35 Lessons for 35 Years

Hi friends. It’s been a while. It’s a long story as to why I’ve been gone so long—but today isn’t for that. Soon. Soon. But first, lessons. 

I wanted to come back today in particular because it’s my 35^th birthday and I’ve spent many, many hours deciding the direction of this website over the past 6+ months. I want to share more, but I also want to open this space for communication, to be better, do better and inspire others to do the same. I want to take some time each week to just chat, about real stuff, real life and get your feedback. An open a discussion if you will sometimes. 

Maybe it won’t work, but I hope it does.

As I’ve gotten older and had kids, I’ve realized it really is true what they say, that “the days are long but the years are short.” Somedays, I spend all day wishing and counting down until bedtime and once it hits and the house is quiet, I feel sad. I look at Penelope and this small little lady she’s becoming and it truly feels like yesterday she was in my arms in a hospital in North Carolina making me a mommy for the first time. And now, Shep, toddling all over the place, driving me crazy but also making me wish he’d stay small forever. It’s a Catch 22 this crazy life we’re all fortunate enough to live.

And so, today, I wanted to share 35 things I’ve learned or heard this past year (or the last 35 years) that have inspired me, driven me forward or just resonated with me. These lessons and pieces of advice have shaped me, hurt me and changed me. They are in no important order, just simply what came to me as I was reflecting on them. I am still working on many of these daily, but wow, if I could do all of these things each day, what a life I would be living. 

1. Happiness is not a goal. It’s a feeling. You won’t feel happiness every single moment of every single day, but you will and should experience it daily. Look for it in the little moments, it’s there.
2. Therapy is not weak, it sets you free. It changes your outlook.
3. Exercise is free self-care and one of the best things you can do for yourself.
4. Money is not the root to happiness, trust me.
5. Call you parents back. Not tomorrow, not next week. Today. One day you’ll wish you could call them and won’t be able to.
6. Self-care is not selfish, it’s needed.
7. Experiences > things.
8. Put down your phone for 30 minutes a day and do something you love. If you have an hour to spare, even better.
9. Never stop learning. Times will inevitably change, don’t fear them. Expand your mind, learn from said changes and be thankful you’re around to see these different moments of life.
10. Be generous; with your time, your money, your love.
11. There are no dumb questions and if there are, ask them anyway. 
12. 4 quarters > 100 pennies. I say this to my close friends a lot. I’d much rather have four friends I know I can count on at any time, rather than 100 friends that don’t show up or I can’t trust. 
13. Speaking of friends, your friends should make you feel good and if they don’t, they aren’t worth it (see #12).
14. Stop belittling yourself and become yourself.
15. Someone is ALWAYS going to have more than you and someone will ALWAYS have less. Look around and think about what you do have instead of focusing on what you don’t. It will make you more thankful, more aware and overall, happier.
16. Your entire life can change in one moment. One instant and everything you know and trust from that moment will be different. When that happens, take a deep breath. You are so much stronger than you think, and time truly can heal.
17. When #16 happens, just remember, “what broke you, will later build you.”
18. You will never get time back. You can get back most everything else, but time is always ticking, spend it well.
19. No one will remember what car your drove, or how expensive your house was, but they will remember if you were kind.
20. Apologies go far. If you fuck up, say you’re sorry and mean it. It’s not always a guarantee you’ll be forgiven, but it’s worth a shot. 
21. Never underestimate the power of a hug.
22. Be polite. Smile. Say please and thank you.
23. Nothing is forever, so if you love it, cherish it now, tomorrow, and every day you have it.
24. The greatest investment you can make is in your love for family and those important to you.
25. The amount of check marks on your to-do list doesn’t make you a better wife, mother, employee, or person.
26. No one else can be your missing piece. You must find it yourself first.
27. You cannot please everyone. REREAD THAT.
28. Listen more than you talk (I REALLY need to work on this).
29. Marriage & motherhood take work. It doesn’t come easy. You’re doing your best just as everyone before you has. Give yourself grace. IT’S SO HARD. 
30. Step out of your comfort zone, a lot.
31. Let other’s opinion inform you, not form you. 
32. You can disagree on politics and still be respectful.
33. Some people are assholes. Seriously. They’ll always compete, spread rumors or be cruel. Don’t’ waste time on them even if you see them daily. You’re better off without them. You’re happier. I promise.
34. Play more. With your kids, your dog, your friends. You can’t take money to your grave, but those around you will remember your moments together. 
35. It’s okay to cry– to admit when things are hard. It doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human.

And one for the next year forward, don’t forget to wear sunscreen. Any of my fellow Millennials can appreciate this. (but seriously, wear sunscreen and take care of your skin, I’m just starting and it’s a mistake!). 

MUCH LOVE TO YOU ALWAYS sweet friends. I’ve been doing this since 2012 and no matter my page views, my following or my income– I am in awe this is my job and you keep showing up for me. It’s amazing. Thank you. 

You can read other lessons here. I did not look at this post before writing the above, but I wanted to come back and say that it’s funny reading through it. Many lessons are the same, but many are also different. I can tell I’m wiser, tell I’ve grown both physically and mentally. But, I still miss and love that carefree 30 year old, Amy sometimes. She also had a lot less to live for. XX

And now, you know, coffee. 

XX